Monthly Archives: January 2012

Deceit and Trickery… I’m a Good Parent.

My five year old son Ian hurt his foot on a doorway at a party Sunday. At first, I shivered as flashbacks of his Aunt Amanda breaking her big toe last summer came flooding in, but after squeezing every bone and asking if we should go to the hospital, it was determined he would be fine (eventually). For the past few days, he has either been limping, or running freely with wild abandon. Its obvious he feels pain, but he quickly forgets about it if given the opportunity.

My son hates visits to the doctor. I think he likes the guy, but he hates the process. And if you mention shots (vaccinations), we experience massive tantrums and hanging on to doorways as we try to leave the house. He just won’t put up with the agony.

This morning, Ian limped and moped his way out of bed (I wonder where he gets it). I would barely put any pressure on his left foot, and when I said it was time to get ready to leave for preschool, he apparently decided any pressure on his foot would result in a fatality. I called my Mom to see if he had been in pain when she watched him yesterday, and she said he was fine. I decided it would be worth the parental exhaustion to try to get him to school.

However, as I watched Ian get ready as fast as a sloth, and wimpering like an abused puppy, I realized something must be done. I told Ian I would go ahead and call the doctor and schedule an appointment, and that they’d probably give him a shot and do surgery. I didn’t stop there.

I picked up my phone, and the following conversation ensued: “Hello Doctor, this is Kelly, Ian’s mom. He hurt his foot, and I’m wondering what we should do. Oh, so he does need a shot… and surgery too? Wow. That’s going to hurt a lot. Oh that’s a good point. So you’re saying if he can start walking on his foot and go to school this morning, he won’t need stitches. Ok. Well, that’s good to hear. Thanks, bye.”

Ian promptly put his coat on, zipped it up, and walked out the door. I didn’t even have to talk to a real doctor.

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No Coincidences.

Interesting, that I opened a website to look up a verse on casting your cares on God, and this passage came up at the beginning of the chapter. I don’t believe in coincidences when it comes to Scripture, and we should always be searching for why a certain word, phrase, or passage is on our heart…

“I have a special concern for you church leaders. I know what it’s like to be a leader, in on Christ’s sufferings as well as the coming glory. Here’s my concern: that you care for God’s flock with all the diligence of a shepherd. Not because you have to, but because you want to please God. Not calculating what you can get out of it, but acting spontaneously. Not bossily telling others what to do, but tenderly showing them the way.” via 1 peter 5 MSG – He’ll Promote You at the Right Time I – Bible Gateway.

I want to hear YOUR thoughts before I share mine. 🙂

Voices.

I listen to many voices. My kids, husband, parents, siblings, friends, past teachers, past coaches, books, websites… the list could go on. Some of those don’t seem like voices, but they are when you experience something in the present day, and that little comment comes flooding back from 10 years ago. I’m sure we all wish sometimes that the voices of the past wouldn’t return in the way they do… but I guess that’s how life works.

I distinctly remember coaches comments to me. Mostly positive, but there’s the occasional memory of comments that I wish I could erase from my memory. Then there are the boyfriends of the past, the friends who took another direction, and memories with family members. If you asked me, I’d be able to tell you a specific conversation we had, where we were, and how I felt. God bless my long-term memory… sometimes.

The present day voices affect me more than those ghosts of the past. I have terribly sensitive ears, and I definitely don’t have the greatest selective hearing in the world. In a room full of people, I often end up listening to the person farthest away, and completely lose track of the conversation with the person right in front of me. If this means I’m going to go deaf someday, well, at least I took two years of sign language.

Aside from my hearing, voices from people in my life have the ability to encourage me, discourage me, sway my opinions, give me perspective, hurt me, shock me. People don’t realize how much they can affect others with their words. It would help the world if more people would choose to use this skill in a positive way.

So. This past year, I have learned how to make all these voices SILENT. Or even obsolete if necessary.

In September of 2010, I accepted the children’s ministry director job at my church. I admit, I had no idea what I was getting into. I knew I liked kids, and I knew certain life circumstances had prepared me for the role. I knew I loved God, and wanted kids to know His love, but had no idea how to implement that perspective into a solid, organized, consistent Sunday School program. So, I prayed. Then I jumped in head first.

I asked God to give me the clarity of mind to know whether I should continue or not. (I’ve done this in the past, with soccer, with friendships, with jobs…). I heard what I thought was nothing. Sure, I heard people encouraging me I was doing alright, and got affirmation from the church staff. That was good enough to continue in the job, but after a few months I started to feel discouraged. I felt entirely inadequate, lost, and even when I prayed I felt God was leaving me to fend for myself (but not LEAVING me).

In reality, I kind of think I was right. And up until a few months ago, I thought that was a bad thing. Turns out it was good. (I’ve been taught since birth that silence from God isn’t necessarily a bad thing… I just hadn’t figured out yet how that applied to MY life).

God was allowing me to learn to shut out the discouraging, negative, selfish, exhausted voices telling me this wasn’t right for me. He was allowing me to train and learn within His reach, so I could be stronger and rise above the issues of the physical world.

I started to find myself in situations where I’d be alone in a room, ready to scream and punch through a wall. Then this feeling would come over me, I’d look up to the sky, and simply say “Oh fine, I get it.” And it would be okay. I didn’t have to say a bunch of shalt’s and thou’s to communicate with God. I simply had to acknowledge Him, stop and let Him know I was listening, and follow.

I learned that the absence of direction only comes from our physical world on this earth. When you look around you into the darkness, you see more darkness. All you have to do is look up.

So, in situations like this church role I feel so unworthy to fill, I have found if I am looking and listening in the right direction and I hear NOTHING… it means I’m exactly where I should be. I’m not sure if I tied that all together perfectly, but… it is what it is.

Also, I’d much prefer to go blind than to go deaf. 🙂