Potential Side Effects May Include…

Everyone dreams for their life to be amazing. From having kids, to playing professional sports, to pursuing an acting career, it seems people have this image of how life should be. “This will bring me happiness and contentment in life,” says the dreamer. Constant digging, pressing forward, and committing to a goal often brings satisfaction, knowing with each step, people work toward their ultimate life achievement.

I was never really clear where my heart was moving me. I guess maybe I realized that when I heard from my parents that as a tiny three-year-old, I claimed I wanted to be a giraffe when I grew up. I am so glad I didn’t pursue that direction; I’m guessing my efforts would have amounted to nothing. But I don’t know… maybe there’s still a chance.

I do remember little dreams I had as a kid… wanting to have a lead role in a play, wanting a best friend, dreaming of being taller or prettier, being Mariah Carey, dating the popular boy… the list goes on. Those were events and situations I may have been able to control to some extent (except the whole Mariah thing); but even then, I’m glad I didn’t count on any of those at such a young age. The way life takes a new direction at any given moment, I wouldn’t have known how those dreams would turn out in my adult life. Even now, I wonder what will come of some of my dreams. Where will I be when I’m 80?

When I tell people my husband and I own a cafe, people often remark, “Oooh, I’ve always dreamed of owning a cafe!” To which I reply “Heh heh… really?!” I constantly debate whether to shatter their dreams and tell them the truth, or to merely shrug and reply, “Yeah, maybe someday.”

We dreamed of owning a cafe too. Makes me wish that someone had told us the side effects of such a lifestyle. Sure, we can predict minor outcomes, like “Smoking may cause lung cancer” or “holding hands with that boy leads to… eh-hem… lots more.” But in reality, where do our actions take us 10 steps later, when years have passed and our lives and the people around us constantly evolve?

So without further adieu, here’s life as a side effect warning:

GET MARRIED: caution, engaging in such activities may lead to excessive communication about unimportant issues that may never end, an emotional bond with someone who sometimes needs guidance in how to decipher your language, facial expresions, and meals. Do not combine with extreme anger, overspending, or sarcastic and cutting comments. Those with Type A or Type B or C personalities, be aware that combining personality types may lead to other issues, depending on your genetics, family background, education, and Spiritual outlook.

HAVE KIDS: consult a doctor before and after procreation. Possible side effects may include the creation of an actual human life whom you will be responsible for your entire life. If you suffer from aw-cute syndrome or you have aversions to poo, wait until symptoms cease before having kids. Side effects may also include crying, screaming, squirting, and unknown aromas exploding from small human. If you have money, and also if you don’t have money, consider all possible financial outcomes.

OWN A CAFE: before owning a cafe, consult with your financial supporters, God, banks, professionals, investors, attorneys, and accountants. Side effects of owning a cafe may include a smaller home, drinking coffee you pretend is free, and town characters frequenting your shop. If you suffer from an introverted or anti-social personality, aversions to cranky people and screaming kids, and/or cleaning, be sure to get 8 hours of sleep, or hide in the back storage room. Pregnancy, life stress, and other related incidentals may cause overeating and a loss of numbers. Do not own a cafe in a poor economy.

PLAY COLLEGE SPORTS: engaging in such activities may lead to excessive calorie consuming, constant dehydration, and excessive use of athletic tape and Icy-Hot. Possible side effects may include hurt muscles, angry teammates, and an extremely low GPA. If you suffer from a Type B personality, do not combine college sports with Pre-Med or Engineering. Results of combining these activities may result in tutoring, debating grades with teachers, and eventual change in major declaration. Long term side-effects may include easily sprained ankles, which may require years of rest and rehabilitation. Other long-term side effects may also include abnormally buff legs, a permanent increase in appetite regardless of physical exertion and burning of calories, and irrational dreams of playing professional soccer someday.

Yep, so that’s about it. Hope that helped.


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